The Process

Monday was the beginning of CMHA’s Mental Health Awareness Week (May 6th-12th) and today is the launch of Partner for Mental Health‘s latest #NotMyselfToday campaign.  This national initiative will aim to improve awareness and acceptance of mental illness within the workplace.

This week is overflowing with commitments for me this week and I sense the irony in the fact that it coincides with the start of the #NotMyselfToday campaign.  I have been challenged trying to maintain my energy and taxing to hit the mark on my responsibilities.  Self care should have been a bigger slice of this week than it has been.

I am lucky that my life has been enriched with a core group of people I can rely on for advice, support, and honesty.  I’m lucky that my workplace actively works towards valuing mental health as part of overall health.

I find the statistics simply staggering.  Each day approximately 500,000 Canadians will miss work as a result of mental illness.  Less than a quarter of Canadians would feel comfortable discussing their mental health concerns to their employers.

I’ve concealed my mental health concerns previously or purposefully not brought them up in situations where I might have had I felt it was a safe space.  It weighs on you, it makes you feel isolated and grasping for straws to find assistance…not a great mindspace to work from.

It’s time for workplaces to start this conversation with their employees.  By businesses creating a dialogue with their employees about mental health, we can create stigma-free work environments and improve the overall health of millions of Canadians.

1 in 5 Canadians will experience a mental health issue this year.  Real life people you see at work: daily, weekly, monthly.  You eat lunch with each other, talk in the hallway, peek into your neighbour’s cubicle.  Let your HR team know about the new National Standard on Psychological Health and Safety.

I invite you all to become part of the #NotMyselfToday campaign and advocate in your own workplaces on behalf of mental health: plan a workplace event for June 6th, invest in the future of mental health awareness, or pledge your support online.

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She isn’t really sure if it was the pressure of starring in a movie or if the attention came too soon, but she felt crushed.

She had stress-induced acne. The chronic anxiety and panic attacks she has had since childhood flared up. She never watched that movie. It’s a side of herself that the lighthearted actress has been remarkably frank about.

Maybe it’s because she grew up admiring comics, like Gilda Radner and John Candy, who struggled with their own demons. Maybe she just doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. “Well, anxiety is part of my reality, so why not talk about it?” she says carefully, clearing her throat. “It’s just part of whatever happened to me when I was really, really little. It’s just kind of something that I manage.”

-Emma Stone in “Rolling Stone” by Kathryn Hudson in Elle Canada May 2013

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Today I have some exciting news to share.  I am the new Partners for Mental Health Community Correspondent for Toronto, Ontario.  Exclamation points!  What that means is that I am taking a more active role in the social movement of transforming how Canadians think and act about mental health.

Partners for Mental Health is a Canada-wide not-for-profit registered charity whose goal is to contribute towards transforming how people think about and act towards people living with a mental illness.  They do this by:

• Encourage people to pay more attention to their own mental health and well-being.
• Positively change attitudes and behaviours towards those living with mental health problems or illnesses.
• Help change policies to improve the mental health system.
• Increase funding for programs, services and research.

Create Positive Spin has been a place where I document how I create positive spin in my own life.  Making mental health a part of the discussion is already important to me.

As a Community Correspondent for Toronto, I’m looking forward to bring awareness and work towards enacting change in the field of mental health.

So, consider this a formal invitation to follow me via social media to connect over mental health and positive spin.  And you can also follow Partners for Mental Health on Facebook or on Twitter.  Stay tuned for more about their upcoming campaign about mental health in the workplace!

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If you knew me casually in real life, it is not apparent that depression is an element that is a continuous thread.  It requires consistent management.  & as much as it pains me to admit, I have tackled it in so many different ways – some healthy, some not-so-healthy.

What I’m trying to get at is that I’m often very high-functioning.  Which makes it a lot more difficult to ‘explain’ to people when I’m not in a high-functioning place.  When someone casually asks me how I am, I’ll say “Good.  How are you?”  It’s a polite, conditioned-by-society response & gets the job done.

When I’m less than high-functioning, there is added difficulty.  To explain myself.  To get out of bed & pay the bills.  It isn’t uncommon for me to avoid letting people know.  It’s hard enough to get out there & present myself as functioning.  & after all – I’ve always been told not to tell people.  What is odd is that I still try to avoid letting my ‘inner circle’ know.  It’s years of conditioning: “People won’t get it.” – “Employers won’t hire you.” – “People will think you’re weak.”

You know what’s weird about that?  Most people totally get it.  Most people I have been open with about it have either experienced or been close with someone who has experienced something similar.  So, we need to keep reaching out to our inner circles for the deep stuff but remember to let our outer circles know that…yeah, sometimes things aren’t going so well.  & we still are capable in spite of it.

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I had a night a few weeks ago where I really wanted to go out dancing with friends.  I truly did.  I had a groove to attack.  & not only that, but I knew of existing plans to do that very thing.  No wrangling involved.

But I felt something in my brain nudge me & go, “Wait.  Wait a minute.  Think about this.”

& I realized if I were to go dancing in addition to my already-existing plans for Sunday, I would be exhausted.  Ka-put.  I would have overdone it & gone beyond my capabilities.

When I am finding the energy or passion to participate in something – it is hard to say no.  That fiery energy feels so precious; I want to encourage it.  I don’t want to slam the door in its face & say, “Sorry, I don’t want what you’re selling.”

If I’m up in a hot air balloon – sure, I’m inside that little basket underneath.  But that basket is saving me from a lengthy drop into the abyss.  Living with limitations does not make you a failure.

Part of the process is acknowledging these boundaries as positives.  They are limited, but they’re reigning me in for my own good.  If I were to overstep, I wouldn’t be respecting how hard I have worked (& continue to work) to find my plateau of wellness.  Recognizing them (& abiding by them) are serving my own stability and well-being.

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I had a high school religion teacher who was obsessed with U2 & cannot help but think of moments sitting in class listening with a less-than-spiritual teenage mindset.  I read an interview with Bono where he described the song “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” as a song of doubt more than a song of faith.

RECIPE FOR BEING A SAD SACK

1.  Not getting dressed

2.  Sitting with the shades drawn during the day

3.  Listening to U2′s ‘Joshua Tree’ album

RECIPE FOR A GOOD DAY

1.  Drink tea

2.  Paint nails

3.  Not listening to U2′s ‘Joshua Tree’ album

I’m not saying U2 is in complete control of how a day might go – but I will say that spending too much time in the shade of the Joshua Tree is not good for me.

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I’m doing okay.  I have definitely seen better days.

If I were made to compare the past little while?  I have been trudging to the top of the hill & having brief whee! escapes down to the bottom.  & then trudging back up to the top again – dragging my little red wagon behind me.  The little red wagon in this metaphor is you guys, if you were wondering.

Don’t panic mid-metaphor, you’re not a burden.  You’re an awesome little red wagon that I like having around.  It is just that this hill is steep.

There’s a reason people only write about mental health after the fact.  Because it is hard to write about it objectively & not write a full-on diary entry.  I’m still doing my best to sort out where I am at and what bits & pieces I want to share.  Bonus points (!) for the Universe doing its part to provide me with additional clarity along the way.

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I give myself this pep talk more often than not.

It can feel so difficult.  It is feeling so difficult, right this very moment.  But you know what?  All these qualities that set you apart from others – that make you ?  They were developed because of this marathon endurance test.

You & me?  We’re not sprinters.  I was never a sprinter.  I tried (oh, did I try) but I am not built for fast speed & short distances.  I’m endurance.  I’m about wrinkling my nose, putting my head down, & leaning into the wind.  I am ‘slow but steady wins the race’, even if the bunny is more cute.  I’m less 100-meter-dash & more half-marathon.

& being a long distance runner is worth it when the winds die down & a moment of joy breaks through.

I promise.

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Let’s talk about mental health.

I’ve been thinking about writing something along these lines for awhile.  But I quickly discovered it was more difficult than I originally had imagined it to be.  I find myself reading stories of others’ triumphs over the stigmas often attached to mental health issues.  & I nod along in agreement – knowing our journeys are individual but similar.

I guess I haven’t know where to start because unlike many articles or blog posts I’ve read – I am still in the throes.  But aren’t we all?  Even people who have ‘figured out’ what therapy is ideal for them or what dosage works with their bodies are still taking things gradually – sometimes day by day.

What am I leading up to?

I plan on sharing more of my process as I traverse the landscape of depression & anxiety.  Don’t worry – I will keep angst to a minimum.  Hopefully there will be more descriptions of what I’m doing to cope or thrive.

1 in 5 Canadians will experience a mental illness in their lifetime.  I believe that remaining quiet about it only increases the chance of discrimination and/or stigma.

I have always been told that my experiences with depression & anxiety shouldn’t be disclosed.  That it could be harmful for potential/future employers, offputting for people who know me casually.

I get it.

…

to a point.

But the truth is that we all have personal struggles.  As I get older, I value honesty more and more.  I find it to be a healing power in my life.  Sharing our struggles only strengthen the connection between us.  & being honest with you (my dear blog reader) means I am being more honest with myself.

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