Having the ever thrilling combination of depression and anxiety often makes it difficult to a.) find motivation and b.) try new things. This weekend, I did both. I biked 20km today. And it all happened before noon.
As an extension to the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course I took this past spring, I have been instructed to ‘try new things’ (even if I don’t enjoy them). Having depression means losing interest in previously enjoyed activities and part of my last depressive relapse has involved just that. So the focus here is more on the success of the participation than the enjoyment level of said activity. Following a plan instead of a mood.
With the help of my partner-in-crime, I dragged myself out of bed and prepped for a bike ride. I grumbled. I dragged my feet. I complained about there being ‘no point’. And somehow it still managed to happen. The scale on which success is measured is so varied when depression is a factor that I hesitate to add a label. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t undergo any dramatic mood upswings as a result, but I did integrate a short term sense of pride into the rest of my day (!). Ten kilometres there and ten back. 20 kilometres on a new (to me) route. That’s something.
saving sanity wherever I am able to
reading Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed
thinking about the now
listening to Kacey Musgraves
drinking homemade lattes
trying to make a shift
writing more.. about travel, mental health, and the process
dreaming of black sand beaches
donating my time
walking even when I don’t want to
trusting when I’m unsure
craving cinnamon and nutmeg
It’s pretty early-on in March, but it feels like this winter has been a particularly rocky one. I thought I had experienced all the different types of winter Toronto had to offer but this has been one that makes me desire more palm trees and less icy sidewalks.
appreciating pink nail polish
stretching my brain’s capacity for change
saving pennies for adventures
reading A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin
thinking about hula-hooping in the park once it is really spring
listening to Wes Anderson soundtracks
drinking peanut butter & banana smoothies
being my typical hermit self
quoting Steve Martin in “The Jerk”
looking for the difference
trying to make my hair as big as possible
remembering another version of me
practicing how to properly froth milk
reading Sane New World: Taming the Mind by Ruby Wax
taking baby steps
watching ‘The Price Is Right’ in waiting rooms
crunching through the snow
drinking hot cocoa
writing real mail to loved ones
thinking of transitioning back to work
listening to the Beatles
rethinking about my health’s honesty
dreaming of gemstones and the beach
donating the extras
trusting my breathing
soaking up whatever sunlight I can find
reading Where’d You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple
appreciating being able to visit the David Bowie exhibit again before it closes
finding myself unprepared for wintertime
drinking white tea with blueberry honey
preparing for celebrating American Thanksgiving this weekend
celebrating purple Thursdays, still.
thinking about tradition
looking outside at the snow
listening to the Mighty Boosh radio series
stretching into the morning
drinking hot cocoa
reading Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity by Andrew Solomon
finding the energy to write
walking the line of wellness
reminding myself of the little things
craving swimming time
researching stones healing properties
thinking about being a mermaid
listening to Valerie June‘s album “Pushin’ Against a Stone”
happy for all the recently engaged people in my life
I love David Bowie. That isn’t exactly shocking. A lot of people do; it isn’t a solitary love. As for many people my age, it all started with a journey through Labyrinth. I’ve been lucky enough to see him in concert twice (once as part of Moby’s Area2 Festival in 2002 and once for the Reality tour in 2004). His music has been an underlying soundtrack.
The exhibition David Bowie Is originally opened at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London, England. I had flights of fancy about making a pilgrimage to see the show but instead crossed my fingers it would tour somewhere in North America. Low and behold, it did! And I didn’t even have to travel – its world tour premiered right here in Toronto at the AGO on September 25th.
It features costumes, art, film, sound, and ephemera from David Bowie’s entire music career in a non-linear format.
We got the chance to visit last week and it didn’t disappoint. There were so many different little nooks and rooms. Some of my favorite highlights was seeing his handwritten song lyrics and the costumes (and shoes) from stage performances. Kansai Yamamoto’s glittery great creations for the Aladdin Sane tour, the tattered Alexander McQueen Union Flag coat, his sketches as a teen…seeing these things in person was breath-taking for me.
The accompanying audio shifts as you move through the exhibit; part of my joy was seeing people start to dip their heads to the beat in their headphones in unison. Near the end there was large projections of amazing live performances that gave me goosebumps.
Book your visit in advance; it is at the AGO until November 27th!